Understanding the Impact of Intergenerational Trauma

Have you ever noticed certain struggles or dynamics showing up in your family over and over? Maybe it’s anxiety, conflict, emotional distance, or unspoken rules about how to “be” in the world.

You might be like, “Why does this keep happening”

It’s not just you, it’s probably intergenerational trauma, which is the way unresolved pain, survival strategies, and emotional patterns get passed down through families.

I know… it sounds horrible. And it feels icky. The good news though, is that you can break the cycle (cheesy, I know. But true nonetheless). With awareness and the right coping strategies, you can heal, grow, and create healthier patterns for yourself (and for the generations who come after you).

What Is Intergenerational Trauma?

First, let’s talk about trauma.

So much is said about trauma these days that even using this word feels too buzzy. But at its core, trauma isn’t just what happened to you, it’s what happens inside of you afterward. It’s the emotional and physical residue left behind when an experience overwhelms your ability to process it.

 Trauma lives not just in the mind, but also in the body. That’s why triggers can feel so intense. A sound, smell, or even a tone of voice might make you crash out. You may feel anxious, angry, or irritated. Maybe your chest tightens or you can’t sleep. It’s like your nervous system is stuck in a loop from the past.

In the therapy world, we often talk about trauma in terms of “big T” Trauma and “little t” trauma:

·      Big T Trauma includes major, life-altering events like abuse, natural disasters, or severe neglect. These are things most people immediately recognize as “traumatic”.

·      Little t trauma refers to smaller, less obvious experiences that still leave a mark: feeling unseen as a child, growing up in a home where emotions weren’t safe to express, or being held to impossibly high expectations. Over time, these subtle wounds shape how we relate to ourselves and others.

It’s feels important to clarify that one type of trauma isn’t bigger or more intense than another. Our bodies can’t tell the difference between Big T Trauma and little t trauma.

So how does this tie into intergenerational trauma?

When trauma isn’t fully processed, its impact doesn’t always stop with the person who experienced it. Unresolved pain can ripple through families in the form of emotional patterns, unspoken rules, or even inherited stress responses. This is how trauma gets passed down generation after generation.

This can show up in ways that aren’t always obvious:

✨ A parent who avoids emotions because they grew up in a household where feelings weren’t safe.

✨ Family patterns of conflict, anxiety, or emotional “cutoff” that repeat in subtle ways.

✨ Messages like “you have to be strong no matter what” or “we don’t talk about our problems outside the family.”

Think of your family like a set of dominoes – when one falls, the rest are impacted too. Unresolved trauma often creates a chain reaction that touches everyone in the system in different ways.

How Trauma Impacts Families and Individuals

The impact of trauma isn’t always dramatic. It can show up in small, everyday ways:

💡 Emotional Reactivity: Feeling easily triggered in relationships, especially with family.

💡 Family Roles: Becoming “the strong one,” “the fixer,” or “the peacekeeper” to avoid rocking the boat.

💡 Avoidance or Cutoff: Pulling away from family to feel safe, but also feeling guilt or loneliness.

💡 Inherited Anxiety or Guilt: Carrying emotions that feel bigger than your own experiences. Like you’re holding weight that doesn’t fully belong to you.

💡 Relationship Struggles: Repeating unhealthy patterns in romantic or friend relationships without realizing where they started.

These aren’t personal flaws or red flags, they’re just learned survival strategies. They were likely necessary at some point in your family’s history. But now, they might be keeping you stuck.

Breaking the Cycle: Coping Strategies for Healing

Healing family trauma doesn’t mean cutting everyone off or assigning blame. It’s about understanding patterns, finding your own sense of self, and making intentional choices about how you want to live and relate.

Here’s how to start:

✅ 1. Get Curious About Patterns

Reflect on your family story:

🌼 What unspoken rules shaped my family?

🌼 How did we deal with emotions, stress, or conflict?

🌼 Are there “roles” I was expected to play?

✅ 2. Work Toward Staying Grounded

✨ Therapists call this “differentiation.” Basically, it’s about learning how to stay connected to your family without losing yourself in their emotions, expectations, or drama. It’s not about achieving perfect balance (because life is messy). It’s about managing as best you can with the awareness and capacity you have in the moment.

✅ 3. Build New Coping Strategies

✨ Learn emotion regulation tools (like mindfulness or somatic practices) to calm your nervous system.

✨ Set boundaries to support your emotional and physical energy.

✨ Consider therapy (individual, couples, or family) to help untangle these dynamics and create healthier relationships.

✅ 4. Rewrite the Narrative

You get to decide what patterns continue and what stops with you. By doing this work, you’re creating a new legacy of emotional safety and connection.

A New Way to Move Forward

Understanding and healing intergenerational trauma is brave work (again with the cheesiness, but it IS true). It takes time and support to unlearn old patterns and build new ones.

You’re already doing something powerful by noticing and asking questions. That’s the first step.

If you’re ready to explore these dynamics and navigate generational trauma with more awareness, therapy can be a safe place to start. Together, we can create space for healing and help you step into a version of yourself that feels right.

If any of this resonates with you, reach out to me here!